


Doctor Who - The Horror Of The Gay-leks

by Classicsitcom



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:34:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26275750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Classicsitcom/pseuds/Classicsitcom
Summary: An asteroid develops a mysterious wobble and threatens the Earth with destruction. A squad of Space Marines are allocated to investigate and get help from the Fourth Doctor and Sarah-Jane Smith when the Doctor's deadliest foes appear. Safe for teens and upwards even with a glimpse of Sarah-Jane's underwear !Made in the 1970s with language and attitudes typical of the era.A complete story in one chapter.





	Doctor Who - The Horror Of The Gay-leks

Doctor Who and the Horror of the Gay-leks.

Earth, England ( obviously ) in the year 2160. The Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, Harold Harcourt-Brown prepares himself for a virtual conference with the Chief of the Defence Staff at 10 Downing Street, London.

"General Lethbridge-Stewart ?" Said the Prime Minister to his computer screen as he adjusted his headphones.  
"Good evening, Prime Minister." Said General Lethbridge-Stewart - who's ancestor had once been in charge of UNIT, the United Nations Intelligence Taskforce "I'm addressing you on a secure link, with digitally scrambled sound connection. The whole call is being recorded at my end."  
"Yes, Lethbridge-Stewart," said the Prime Minister "It's being recorded at my end too, headphones on. Go ahead."  
"Right Prime Minister," said the General "Obviously this matter is of the highest importance. I'll be as brief as possible."  
The Prime Minister nodded.  
"This man..." Said the General - the picture appeared on the Prime Minister's screen "Is Professor Roger Knightly - a British physicist and a Nobel Prize winner."  
"Yes, I recognise him." Said the Prime Minister.  
"He's disappeared in suspicious circumstances. The police have been investigating for three months and have passed their findings on to us. To be honest, they haven't made much progress but one aspect of the investigation is, I think, very revealing. Knightly was a homosexual."  
"How on earth could he be ?" Demanded the Prime Minister.  
"Well, obviously he went through routine screening at primary school and at secondary school - he was found to be completely normal and there was no need for any straightening therapy. He married aged 26 and had two daughters. There was no sign of sexual deviancy until about a week before his disappearance. That's when he began downloading homosexual images on to his computer - it hasn't been possible to trace where they came from, as you know such images are illegal in virtually every country in the world."  
"Of course."  
"The conclusion is that, for some reason, Knightly suffered some kind of mental breakdown and became homosexual."  
"Was the breakdown natural ?" Asked the Prime Minister "Or was it induced ?"  
"That's a very good question." Said Lethbridge-Stewart "It brings me to the subject of Professor Magnus Herring of Sydney University and Professor Oh Gee Wow of Yale University in Connecticut in the Former United States of America. Both these men disappeared at the same time as Knightly and, in both their cases, there was a sudden mental deterioration in to homosexuality - the evidence has been found by investigators."  
"I see." Said the Prime Minister. "There's obviously a connection. I'll have the Russian ambassador summoned."  
"There is a little bit more, sir," continued the General "These three men are all experts in the same field - astro-physics - in particular, the orbit of asteroids. That was the subject of the research that gained Professor Knightly his Nobel Prize, in fact. Last week, experts at UKASA*, detected a movement in the orbit of an asteroid in our solar system."  
( * UKASA - The United Kingdom Aeronautical and Space Administration )  
"A movement in the orbit of an asteroid ?"  
"Exactly, Prime Minister, our investigations lead us to believe that the three missing professors are on that asteroid, using their expertise to affect its orbit with the intention of directing it towards the Earth."  
"Which would result in ..."  
"The end of all life on this planet, sir."  
The Prime Minister took a deep breath...  
"Unbelievable." He murmured.  
"We have dispatched three agents to the asteroid on a hyper ship, they set off 72 hours ago and should begin orbiting the asteroid very shortly."  
"Keep me posted on every development, Lethbridge-Stewart," said the Prime Minister "I'll brief the cabinet. There's an election in nine months, you know ?"  
"Yes sir, I do know that." Said the General.  
"140 years of social distancing and these lunatics pulling down statues of Queen Elizabeth the Second. The last thing we need is an asteroid hitting the Earth.

At that moment, in the depths of space, a hyper ship was decelerating as it reached Asteroid 16-15-15-6.  
"Snappy name for a planet, eh ?" Joked Space Marine Lieutenant Rock Grunt - a man every bit as craggy and hard as his name.  
"Shaped like an aubergine," said the hyper ship's pilot Pilot Officer Guy Manley, his blue eyes gleaming from a youthful open face under a scrubby mass of buzz-cut blond hair. "The planet Aubergine."  
"Estimated time to touchdown ?" Asked the third member of the crew - veteran Space Marine Officer Commander Sadie Harsh, a stocky, ginger haired woman whose no-nonsense attitude, quick thinking and military expertise had got her through more extra-terrestrial scrapes than she'd had hot dinners ... and Commander Sadie Harsh liked her hot dinners.  
"Less than 45 minutes, ma'am." Said Manley - his powerful, confident hands steering the ship towards the asteroid which with every passing moment grew larger and filled more and more of the front viewing window.

"We've landed, Sarah-Jane." Said the Doctor who was up to his elbows in wires and circuit boards deep inside the central control column of his amazing time and space travelling machine - the TARDIS.  
"Safely ?" Queried Sarah-Jane - she was an attractive young woman with shoulder length brown hair and - usually - a cheerful smile. However, her expression over the last few minutes had been a worried scowl as the Doctor had struggled with the complex mechanisms of the TARDIS.  
"Safely ? Of course !" Insisted the doctor smiling broadly and running a hand through his curly hair "An awkward moment or two with the stabiliser circuits, I'll admit, but here we are."  
"Where ?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"Where ?" Echoed the Doctor "A very good question. A very good question indeed." He checked the print outs from the TARDIS navigational computer. "Somewhere in the solar system anyway... I think."  
"It looks like the moon." Said Sarah-Jane looking at the scanner - in her adventures with the Doctor, Sarah-Jane had not made it to the moon yet but she recognised a grey, crater strewn landscape when she saw it.  
"I don't think so," said the Doctor- as much to himself as to her - "Gravity is the same as Earth... and so is the atmosphere... maybe both artificially created in fact."  
"Artificially created gravity and atmosphere ?" Asked Sarah-Jane, her tone indicating curiosity rather than amazement. Sarah-Jane was beyond being amazed at anything after some of her adventures with the Doctor.  
"Yes, very curious." Said the Doctor "If you're homesick I think you'll find the Earth over there somewhere." He pointed with his finger "Or possibly over there." He pointed in the exact opposite direction. "It's safe to go out, if you like."  
"Why not ?" Said Sarah-Jane "I'd like to stretch my legs."

"These readings must be wrong." Said Pilot Officer Manley "Just look at them. They're registering an atmosphere and an Earth-like gravity on a little asteroid like that."  
"That can't happen naturally can it ?" Asked Lieutenant Grunt.  
"Definitely not, that's person made in some way." Answered Manley.  
"Send a signal back to Earth telling them want we've discovered so far." Said Commander Harsh "This is confirmation were on the right track. I think we've found our missing professors."  
"Signal sent." Said Manley "Going in to land, get yourselves strapped in."  
Grunt and Harsh buckled up the safety belts in their seats.

The Doctor and Sarah-Jane strolled across the dusty surface of the asteroid for all the world like a couple strolling on Brighton beach.  
"Look at the stars." Said Sarah-Jane "So clear and bright, like a tropical sky back on Earth."  
"Really ?" Said the Doctor dismissively "It reminds me more of twilight on Blubba Blubba Four"  
"Where ?" Said Sarah-Jane.  
"Blubba Blubba Four." Said the Doctor "Have you never been ?"  
"There's no such place, you just made that up." Said Sarah-Jane.  
"I did not." Said the Doctor mortally hurt "I used to go to Blubba Blubba Four every year in the school holidays."  
"I'll bet." Said Sarah-Jane dubiously.  
"Jelly baby ?" Asked the Doctor holding out a paper bag.  
"Thank you," said Sarah-Jane "Just think, this might be the first jelly baby ever consumed on this planet."  
"Very possibly." Said the Doctor thoughtfully "Which means it can't be Blubba Blubba Four - that's where jelly babies were invented you know."  
"Then how did they get to Earth ?"  
"That is a mystery of the universe that even I can't solve." Said the Doctor "By the way, it's not a planet."  
"Not a planet ?" Asked Sarah-Jane "Then what is it."  
"It's an asteroid." Said the Doctor.  
"Asteroid, planet, same difference." Said Sarah-Jane.  
"Much smaller," said the Doctor "Notice how, wherever you look, it's a short distance to the horizon. It's the curvature that does that. Much smaller than a planet."  
"Yes, you're quite right." Said Sarah-Jane looking around "You can ... what's that ?"  
"What's what ?"  
"Over there." Said Sarah-Jane pointing "Buildings."  
"Yes indeed." Said the Doctor and, sure enough, some distance towards the horizon - it was hard to tell exactly how far, there were several buildings. Rectangular, blocky shapes like prefabricated units that had fallen from the sky above on to the barren landscape. The buildings had windows and some were illuminated from inside.  
"Inhabited too." Said the Doctor "I wonder if we should pay a visit."  
"Hold on," said Sarah-Jane putting a hand on the Doctor's arm "Maybe we shouldn't just go blundering in."  
"Why not, Sarah-Jane ?" Asked the Doctor "It's never done me any harm before."  
"Never done any harm ?" Said Sarah-Jane in astonishment "What about Zeta-Minor and Professor Sorenson ?" She asked referring to the last adventure she and the Doctor had been through on the 'Planet of Evil".  
"We've got company." Said the Doctor pointing upwards "Somebody visiting."  
"Maybe this is Blubba Blubba Four after all, it'll be a school outing." Said Sarah-Jane cheekily.  
"Don't be ridiculous." Said the Doctor gently leading Sarah-Jane behind a rock.  
"I thought we were going to go blundering in." Said Sarah-Jane "Change of plan ?"  
"For the time being. Yes." Said the Doctor.

"There are buildings down there." Said Manley as the ship flew over "Some kind of person made structures."  
"Can you land near them ?" Asked Harsh.  
"I thought I saw a couple of people down there as well." Said Grunt.  
"I didn't see anything," said Manley "Whereabouts."  
"Some way over to the left of the structures as we passed over. Two humans I think."  
The ship made a gentle U-turn and was soon flying slowly and at low altitude over the buildings. The Doctor and Sarah-Jane stayed in cover behind their rock.  
"Maybe it's a refuelling stop for space ships." Suggested Sarah-Jane "Fill her up and clean the windscreen."  
"I think you might be right, Sarah-Jane." Said the Doctor. They watched as the space ship touched gently down some distance from the buildings.  
After a few moments, a hatch in the space ship hull opened and Commander Harsh and Lieutenant Grunt stepped out on to the surface. They looked around. From inside the ship, Manley watched them on a scanner.  
Harsh, armed with a laser pistol, and Grunt with a more formidable double barrelled Blastoom gun walked away from the ship in the direction of the buildings, the Doctor and Sarah-Jane followed carefully keeping out of sight.  
By the time the two Space Marines - trailed by the Doctor and Sarah-Jane - reached the buildings, the curvature of the small asteroid meant that the spaceship was now out of sight over the horizon. Grunt reached the first structure and tried the door - locked. He and Harsh moved on to the next. A figure or perhaps more accurately an object glided across the ground between the buildings unseen by Harsh or Grunt as they continued inspecting the asteroid base. A second object glided along and joined it's companion.  
Grunt's hand was just reaching for the door handle of the second structure when the order was shouted -  
"Halt !" Grated a mechanical electrical voice.  
Grunt spun round, his Blastoom ready in his hand, aimed towards the source of the voice - the weapon, however, would not be fired without a direct order from his superior officer.  
"We are Space Marines on a mission from Earth, who are you ?" Barked Harsh.  
The two mechanical objects glided forward a little.  
"Daleks !" Whispered Sarah-Jane to the Doctor "Why are they painted pink ?" The Doctor put up a hand to indicate silence.  
"We are the Gay-leks." Grated one of the robotic creatures, both of which were painted bright pink, with a rainbow stripe round their head dome, a "Gay Pride" flag hanging from their eye-stick and a distinct bend in their plunger arm giving the impression of a limp wrist "You are our prisoners, you will drop your weapons."  
"We wish to speak to your Commander." Said Harsh.  
"You will drop your weapons !" Repeated the bright pink Gay-lek "Drop them now or we will extermi-straight ! Extermi-straight !"  
One of the Gay-leks fired its own weapon at a rock which exploded in flames - as a demonstration of power, it was effective.  
"Drop your Blastoom, Grunt." Ordered Harsh... Grunt obeyed.  
"Where did you come from ?" Demanded one of the Gay-leks.  
"We have come from Earth." Said Harsh "We have been sent to investigate this asteroid, will you take us to your leader ?"  
"Where is your space ship ?" Asked a Gay-lek.  
"It's over that way somewhere." Said Harsh somewhat imprecisely.  
"What direction ? Answer or we will extermi-straight ! Extermi-straight !"  
"That way." Said Harsh pointing.  
"Was anyone else on board ?"  
"No." Lied Harsh "We came alone."  
"The creature indicated a direction 7 degrees off the asteroidal equatorial azimuth." Grated one of the Gay-leks to its companion "Proceed in that direction and destroy the ship."  
"You can't do that !" Snapped Grunt "The Croydon Convention forbids destroying a spaceship deliberately to strand it's crew."  
"I don't think they've signed up to the Croydon Convention." Said Harsh as one of the Gay-leks barked "I o-gay." and trundled away.  
"You are female ?" Grated the remaining Gay-lek at Harsh in what was either a statement or a question. Harsh took it as the latter and answered - "Yes, I am."  
"We have no use for females." Grated the Gay-lek "You..." It turned its eye-stick towards Grunt "You are male."  
"I am." Said Grunt.  
"Are you gay ?"  
"Gay ?" Grunt laughed at the quaint, old fashioned word "If you mean a homo, no I'm not."  
"We have no use for straights." Grated the Gay-lek "The Gay-lek Supreme will order that you be extermi-straighted."  
"We'll see about that." Said Harsh "Now will you take us to your commanding officer ?"  
"Move forward."

"We'll go this way." Said the Doctor pointing away from the structures.  
"Why ?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"Because I think she was fibbing when she said the ship was only carrying two. If we can outrun that Dalek ... I mean Gay-lek ... we might be able to save whoever is left on board."  
"Why are the Daleks pretending to be homos ?"  
"The question had occurred to me, Sarah-Jane," said the Doctor "For the life of me I can't think of an answer."  
"Unless there really are Dalek homos?" Suggested Sarah-Jane.

The surface of the asteroid was mainly flat meaning that the Doctor and Sarah-Jane had to constantly take wide detours amongst the sparse cover to prevent the Gay-lek from seeing them. As a result of this, they were left further and further behind and were horrified to find that the Gay-lek had reached the ship before them. The two time and space travellers ducked down behind an outcrop of rock.  
The Gay-lek shouted out a warning - "The crew members of the unidentified spaceship will show themselves immediately !"  
There was no movement or sound from the ship.  
Again the Gay-lek grated "The crew members of the unidentified spaceship will show themselves immediately !"  
Still no movement or sound.  
The Gay-lek turned its head so that it's eye-stick pointed back towards the buildings and was obviously in radio communication -  
"Have traced Earth space ship - unoccupied - I will now destroy it !"  
So saying, the Gay-lek turned its eye-stick back towards the ship. It lifted it's gun arm - "Extermi-straight ! Extermi-straight !"  
The Doctor and Sarah-Jane winced as a huge flash of flame was followed by an explosive roar. When they looked back... the Gay-lek was gone. A few bits of it were left scattered on the ground but, essentially, it was gone - utterly destroyed in a powerful blast from somewhere.  
Pilot Officer Guy Manley walked out from behind the rocks carrying a Blastoom gun and surveying the destruction he had wreaked on the Gay-lek.  
"Very good shooting." Said the Doctor, standing up.  
"Don't move !" Snapped Manley turning the Blastoom on the Doctor.  
"We don't mean you any harm." Said the Doctor reassuringly.  
"We ?" Questioned Manley.  
"Hello." Said Sarah-Jane standing up beside the Doctor.  
"Who are you ?" Manley demanded.  
"Well, I am the Doctor."  
"And my name is Sarah-Jane Smith. We're from Earth."  
"Are you British ?" Asked Manley.  
"We certainly are." Lied the Doctor.  
"Yes, we're from Britain." Added Sarah-Jane.  
"Over here slowly." Ordered Manley looking around "Any more of you ?"  
"Just the two of us." Said Sarah-Jane.  
Manley looked at them closely - "Are you armed ?"  
"Oh no." Said the Doctor.  
"You," said Manley indicating the Doctor "Empty your pockets."  
"I don't know if we've got time for that." Said the Doctor.  
"Empty them !"  
The Doctor brought a bag of jelly babies from his jacket pocket then a ball of string, then a yo-yo and a book - "Oh, I've been looking for that." He said casually then brought out a wooly balaclava.  
"Ok, never mind." Said Manley "You ?"  
Sarah-Jane patted the pockets of her jacket and skirt to show they were empty.  
"What is that thing ?" Asked Manley indicating the remains of the Gay-lek.  
"That rather depends," said the Doctor replacing his belongings in his pockets "I would call it a Dalek but it's also known as a Gay-lek."  
"Really ?" Said Manley dismissively.  
"They're quite dangerous usually, you were quite lucky to get it so efficiently." Said the Doctor.  
"Yes, jolly good shot." Said Sarah-Jane hoping to mollify the Marine pilot.  
"Was it with you ?"  
"Oh no, the Daleks would kill us as soon as look at us," said the Doctor "In fact, generally speaking, the Daleks would kill anything as soon as look at it."  
"Do you have two companions ?" Asked Sarah-Jane "A man and a woman ?"  
"Yes." Answered Manley tersely and obviously expecting Sarah-Jane to continue.  
"They got captured." Said the Doctor "By the Gay-leks. Up at a sort of collection of buildings up that way." He pointed over his shoulder.  
"Show me." Ordered Manley pointing with his Blastoom.  
"This way." Said the Doctor turning on his heel "But be careful, they'll know what happened to that one by now and will probably come looking for us."  
Manley reached in to the ship and brought out a metal case -  
"Carry this." He ordered and the Doctor took the case.  
"What is it ?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"Extra Blastoom shells." Said Manley "We might need them. How many of these Gay-lek things are there ?"  
"We're not sure." Said Sarah-Jane.  
Manley shrugged - "Right," he said "Move."  
The Doctor, Sarah-Jane and Manley plodded across the surface of the asteroid towards the base.

"Get down !" Hissed the Doctor as the group of buildings came in to sight. He, himself jumping down behind a rock.  
Manley and Sarah-Jane quickly joined him in cover. A Gay-lek was patrolling in front of the nearest building, gliding up and down grating for the benefit of anyone within hearing - "Seek, locate, extermi-straight !"  
Manley slipped the safety-catch on his Blastoom gun but the Doctor held out a hand -  
"If you want to rescue your friends," he said "It might be better using stealth. Let's try round that way." He pointed round to the side of the buildings.  
Manley nodded reluctantly and returned the safety-catch to the 'on' position.  
The threesome crawled quietly round the buildings.  
"By the way," said Sarah-Jane "What are you and your comrades doing here ?" She deliberately chose the word 'comrades' to sound more military.  
"I might ask you two the same question." Said Manley curtly.  
"You first." Said the Doctor smiling broadly "Would you like a jelly baby ?"  
Manley shook his head and the Doctor ate one of his favourite sweets, Sarah-Jane took one as well.  
It was hard to stay in a strict military frame of mind with two people eating a bag of sweets - exactly as the Doctor had planned - and Manley explained the situation -  
"Some scientists have disappeared from Earth," he said "Scientists who are experts on asteroids."  
"Asteroids like this one ?" Suggested the Doctor.  
"Exactly," said Manley "we've been looking for them for months and there's a possibility that they're right here. Have you seen them ?"  
"No, not yet." Said the Doctor "Do you know why they would be here ?"  
"Something happened here a short while ago," said Manley "something that affected the orbit of the asteroid. Moved it a bit, that would take scientific expertise - think about it, three experts on asteroids go missing, then an asteroid starts behaving inexplicably."  
"Yes, that would certainly make sense." Said Sarah-Jane.  
"What about the change in the asteroid orbit ?" Asked the Doctor "Is it a serious change ?" His tone of voice suggested that he already suspected the answer.  
"The asteroid is now on a collision course with Earth." Said Manley.  
Sarah-Jane grimaced - "That would mean the destruction of the planet, surely ?"  
Manley nodded.  
"Well, we've got to stop that." Said Sarah-Jane "I know you don't usually agree with violence Doctor but we've got to go in there and Blastoom those Gay-leks and get this asteroid back in to a safe orbit before, well... before ..."  
Manley slipped the safety-catch on his Blastoom gun back to the 'off' position.  
"How many shells do you have for that thing ?" Asked the Doctor.  
"One up the spout and another three in that case." Said Manley.  
The Doctor looked dismissive - "Four shots. Even if you get four bull's-eyes - and there's no guarantee of that once the Gay-leks are alerted - maybe there are five Gay-leks. If there are, and we're unarmed they'll exterminate us without a second thought. We won't be much further forward then, will we ?"  
Manley slipped the safety-catch back to the 'on' position.  
"What do you suggest ?" He asked.  
"I think we'll move round a little bit further and see if we can find your friends first. If we can rescue them, we might have more of a chance."  
"Why would these Gay-leks want to destroy Earth anyway ?" Asked Manley.  
"They enjoy destroying things." Said Sarah-Jane.  
"Daleks - or Gay-leks - live to destroy." Said the Doctor "They destroy anything that is different to them, anything that they dislike or distrust or fear. Not a million miles from a certain other species really - just more indiscriminate and ruthless."  
"Hey, just a minute." Said Manley "If these things are called Gay-leks ... well 'gay' is an old fashioned word for homos, you know homosexuals. The three professors that are missing - they're all homosexuals."  
"Yuk !" Said Sarah-Jane.  
"I know." Agreed Manley "So maybe that's why they're doing it. These Gay-leks contacted the three homo professors and came up with this plan. Maybe to make demands on Earth. Homos were wiped out in the late 2020s when cures were found but up until that time they practically ruled the world."  
"Really ?" Said Sarah-Jane in shock and disgust.  
"Didn't you ever study history ?" Asked Manley "They were in charge of everything in the early 21st century, the law, schools ... everything. Normal people were marginalised and homos told everyone what they could do and couldn't do. It was a terrible time. People weren't even allowed to think or hold opinions without homos stopping them."  
"And you think they might be trying to get back the power they had ? Start another poof dictatorship like back then?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"I don't see how they could." Said Manley "Homosexuality was cured back in the 2030s, there aren't any homos now. That's why it was such a surprise that these three professors turned out to be queer."  
"So, the three disappearing professors were quite normal beforehand ?" Asked the Doctor.  
"Apparently, yes, that's why it's all such a mystery." Said Manley "They were normal, married family men and then all of a sudden they became poofs - overnight virtually - then just vanished."  
"Poof ! In to thin air !" Said Sarah-Jane smiling at her own joke "Sorry." She said.  
"That's why the Daleks are pretending to be Gay-leks." Said the Doctor "Let the professors think they're on the same side. Use their expertise to shift the orbit of the asteroid..." The Doctor trailed off lost in thought.  
"Maybe they used something to turn the scientists in to poofs." Said Sarah-Jane "You know, mix up their brains, make them think they're homos so they'll help the Daleks, the Gay-leks or whatever. Radio waves or something."  
"That would make sense." Said Manley "Mess with their minds, turn them homo, threaten Earth with destruction and create a new global gay empire. That must be it."  
"Not the Daleks." Said the Doctor "If the Daleks are moving this asteroid towards Earth, they only have one motive - the destruction of the planet. They might be using these poofy professors to do their work but that's all they're doing - using them. Once they've outlived that usefulness they'll be exterminated as well. There won't be a gay Earth, there won't be any Earth at all !"

By now,the Doctor, Sarah-Jane and Manley had reached the other side of the compound of buildings, well away from the guard Gay-lek at the front. In a narrow passage between two buildings they saw three people - Commander Harsh, Lieutenant Grunt and a man of Oriental origin - steel posts had been fixed in to the ground and each person seemed to be tied to a post by one wrist.  
"Soon have them released," said Manley "With a bit of luck." He slid a sharp knife out from inside his boot.  
"Not with that you won't." Said the Doctor "Look more closely."  
Manley looked at the three prisoners a few yards away and realised that they weren't tied with rope.  
"Those cuffs round their wrists are magnetic." Explained the Doctor "Magnetic force is holding them to those iron posts. This will be better." He brought a crowbar out of his pocket.  
"You've got everything in there." Gasped Manley.  
"If you want a kitchen sink, just ask." Said Sarah-Jane.  
"Now, you," said the Doctor to Manley "Keep us covered. Only fire if it is absolutely necessary, you understand."  
"And if it is necessary, don't miss." Said Sarah-Jane "Just a minute, Doctor, what do you mean 'us' ?"  
"I wouldn't leave you out of the fun, would I Sarah-Jane ?" Said the Doctor bringing another crowbar out of his pocket and handing it to her "Not very 'women's lib' is it ?"  
Sarah-Jane took the crowbar and gripped it tightly in sweaty hands.  
"Come on." Said the Doctor and he and his companion dashed, crouching, towards the rear of the nearest structure. Manley shouldered his Blastoom gun and watched closely.  
Commander Harsh spotted them first and, due to her training, it wasn't necessary for the Doctor to put his finger to his lips to indicate silence. She nodded and gave a quiet whistle to Grunt who saw the Doctor and Sarah-Jane an instant later. The oriental man spotted them in the next moment.  
The Doctor and Sarah-Jane rushed forward and the Doctor, with some effort, prised Harsh's wrist cuff free from the iron pole. Sarah-Jane did the same for the oriental prisoner, though it was quite a struggle for her as the magnetic bond was almost as strong as welding.  
The Doctor and Harsh worked together to release Grunt and the two rescuers and the three rescued made a run for it back towards Manley who now stood up aiming straight at the route a potential enemy must take as his companions ran past him.  
A Gay-lek appeared at the last moment from the side of one of the structures - "Halt !" It grated "Or I will extermi-straight !" Without waiting for anyone to halt it fired, it's laser blast smashing in to the side of a hut and tearing a hole through it. Manley stepped to one side to aim at the Gay-lek but his foot slipped and the shot went wildly off target. Commander Harsh stood fast pushing the oriental man, then Sarah-Jane then the Doctor past her - all the while shouting "Go, go, go !" in the style so beloved of Space Marines. Once they were clear - and only once they were clear - did Harsh begin making her own run for it. The Gay-lek fired again wounding her in the leg and she fell face first on to the dusty ground with a scream as much of frustration and anger as of pain. If the Gay-lek felt any pleasure in wounding Harsh, it only lasted for a split second. That was how long it took for the next Blastoom round to blow it to smithereens.  
The Doctor and Sarah-Jane led the oriental man to safety as Grunt pulled Harsh up, one arm over his shoulder -  
"That sexually sick salt cellar got me in the leg !" She snarled in pain as Grunt pulled her along "Perambulating pepperpot poofs !" She continued furiously.  
Manley supported Harsh from the other side and the three Space Marines, the oriental man, the Doctor and Sarah-Jane escaped away from the asteroid base as quickly as they could.

Grunt and Manley used their battlefield skills to bind up Harsh's wounded leg - in the time it took to do this, Manley explained the situation to them particularly regarding the Doctor and Sarah-Jane.  
"Who's this chap ?" Asked Manley pointing to the oriental man who had been rescued along with Harsh and Grunt.  
"I am Professor Oh Gee Wow." Said the man as the Doctor eased the steel cuff off his wrist using his sonic screwdriver.  
"One of the professors we came to rescue." Said Manley "What about the other two ?"  
"Knightly and Herring are both there as well." Said Harsh.  
"Both as bent as corkscrews apparently." Added Grunt.  
"And you ?" Asked Manley looking at Professor Oh.  
"I'm fine now," said the Professor "But it was a very strange experience in there."  
"What exactly happened ?" Asked the Doctor using the sonic screwdriver to remove the cuff from Harsh's wrist.  
"Well, some months ago I was at home. I was quite normal then, I was with my wife and family. I began to have hallucinations, just fleeting images in my mind. Images of naked men. It was very bizarre. I won't go in to detail what these men were doing in my imagination. I was overcome with nausea of course but the next day I began looking up homosexuality on the Intelliweb - I found medical articles about it and photographs, horrible hideous photographs and then I began to believe that I really was homosexual myself. The idea appeared in my mind that I could create a planet of homosexuals - on Earth I mean - by carrying out some special mission. I suppose I was hypnotised or brainwashed in some way. I left my home and flew to England - I had never even been to England before - but I met Professor Knightly and Professor Herring and, incredibly, they had a spaceship and all three of us knew instinctively that we had to fly here to this asteroid to create a gay planet Earth."  
"Quite extraordinary," said the Doctor "What happened when you arrived ?"  
"Well, the spaceship was built by the Gay-leks - a Gay-lek flew it - they said they would help us achieve planet wide gayness. It took a remarkably short time to get here, just a few hours. Gay-lek technology obviously. Then, they put something in to the back of our necks - some kind of mental control device, I suppose, because from that point on I can't remember anything. We must have built and detonated an atomic device to move the asteroid out of its normal orbit and send it on a collision course with Earth. I never knew anything about this until something happened, the mind control thing must have malfunctioned and I found myself in the base that the Gay-leks had built. I was terrified, the homosexual thoughts had vanished from my mind, I was normal again. Now we, the three of us, were working like slaves to bury something in the ground - it was another atomic bomb - I kept working, I didn't want the Gay-leks to realise I was conscious, you know, aware of what was happening.  
Later, I wanted to remove the mind control gadgets from Knightly and Herring but I was afraid I might harm them or kill them so I tried to escape. The Gay-leks caught me in no time and imprisoned me in the yard."  
"Why didn't they replace the mind controller ?" Asked the Doctor.  
"It had malfunctioned." Explained Oh "They only had three - one for each of us - they still had two slaves, I was of no further use to them."  
"Why do the Gay-leks want to destroy Earth ?" Asked Grunt.  
"They don't," said Oh "Well, not exactly. They convinced us that the asteroid would pass close by Earth and affect the planets orbit round the sun, move it closer in and raise the temperature. That would make it only inhabitable for homosexual men."  
"How would it do that ?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"Higher temperature." Said Oh "Queers usually wear tight sleeveless t-shirts, short trousers showing off their legs, shoes without socks, sweatbands on their heads. They would be happier on a heated Earth and straights would simply die out or let gays take over again. It made sense to us, we were hypnotised. We believed it, I'm sorry."  
"That's OK." Said the Doctor "However, what about the second atomic bomb, what was that for ?"  
"That was the Gay-leks real plan, once the asteroid was on a collision course with Earth, the second bomb would blow it in to fragments. The fragments would fall all over the planet, destroying almost everything. The Gay-leks intend to invade and conquer the earth !"  
"How could they ?" Asked Harsh "How many of them are there ?"  
"Thousands !" Said Oh "Thousands of them are coming in a huge invasion fleet. Once the Earth is obliterated by the pieces of asteroid, they will invade every country and control the whole planet."  
"What year is it ?" Said the Doctor suddenly.  
Everyone - except Sarah-Jane of course - stared at him in disbelief.  
"I mean it," said the Doctor "It's a serious question, what year is it ?"  
"It's 2160." Said Manley making no attempt to disguise the disbelief at such a question.  
"2160 ?" Said the Doctor "The Dalek invasion of Earth..." His voice trailed off - in his mind's eye he saw a deserted and subdued London, the Daleks, the Robomen, the suffering, the death, the destruction, Ian Chesterton, Barbara Wright and ... Susan. Susan, his granddaughter. He also remembered the courage of mankind, the resistance against the Daleks ... and Susan again - his Susan, the 'apple of his eye' as humans would say ... Susan. That, however, was all in the past or the future to be more precise.  
"What do we do now, Doctor" asked Manley who was instinctively looking to the Doctor for leadership.  
"I'm not sure there's much we can do." Said the Doctor "We can't change history." He said it almost to himself.  
"Change history ?" Questioned Manley.  
"We came here to rescue three missing scientists." Said Harsh "We've got one, we still have to get the other two. Also, we have to warn Earth about this exploding asteroid and the threat it poses and about this Gay-lek invasion fleet."  
"Yes, yes, of course." Said the Doctor breaking out of his melancholic state "We can try to rescue the scientists. How long till this second atomic device goes off ?"  
Professor Oh looked at his wristwatch - "About six hours."  
"Do you know where the other two scientists are ?" Asked the Doctor.  
"Yes," said Oh "They are locked in one of the buildings, the green one beside where we were held captive."  
"Manley," said Harsh "You go back to the ship and stay there - you're the only one who can fly it. Send out radio messages to Earth and warn them about the asteroid, the invasion fleet, everything. Grunt, you go back to the base and try to rescue the scientists. Doctor, I can't order you to do anything obviously..."  
"Sarah-Jane and I will go back to the base with Grunt, we need to find that second bomb. If the asteroid stays intact it may miss the Earth but if it explodes in to thousands of fragments the planet is doomed. Am I right professor Oh ?"  
"Yes," said the Professor "If the second bomb fails to go off, Earth may be saved."  
"But only until the Dalek invasion fleet arrives." Said Sarah-Jane "What then ?"  
"One thing at a time, eh Sarah-Jane ?" Said the Doctor, managing a broad smile.  
"She's right though," said Harsh "What about that invasion fleet ?"  
"There are probably over a thousand Dalek attack saucers coming this way, there's nothing we can do about that but ..."  
Harsh opened her mouth to speak but the Doctor continued -  
"But ... if the asteroid fails to explode then a fundamental part of their invasion plan fails with it, Earth may be able to put up some kind of fight, give the Daleks second thoughts at least."  
"OK," said Harsh "Professor, you can stay with me until Grunt returns with the other scientists. I'll hold this pass. Anything coming from the base to the ship will have to come through me first. I've still got this..." She pulled a small laser gun from the back pocket of her combat trousers "The Gay-leks didn't search us very well. They didn't find this either." She slipped a powerful combat knife from her boot and placed it on the ground beside her.  
"Have you got your walkie-talkies ?" Asked Manley.  
"No, the Gay-leks took those." Said Harsh.  
"Take mine," said Manley "I'll contact you when I get to the ship and you can keep me updated on how things are going."  
"How many rounds have we got for the Blastoom ?" Asked Grunt shouldering the weapon.  
"Two." Said Manley "One up the spout and one spare." He handed over the precious shell.  
"Two rounds." Said Grunt "Well, better than nothing."  
Manley set off in one direction for the spaceship. Professor Oh sat down beside Commander Harsh. The Doctor, Sarah-Jane and Grunt headed off back to the asteroid base.

Manley reached the spaceship without incident and began sending radio messages back to Earth regarding the evil plans of the Gay-leks.  
"An asteroid heading for the Earth and an invasion by hostile aliens ?" Thought Prime Minister Harcourt-Brown ... no chance of winning that election now !

At the asteroid base, the Gay-leks picked up the signal sent to Earth.  
"The humans have been warned ! The Emperor will not like this." Grated one Gay-lek.  
"Will I go and destroy the human ship ?" Grated the second Gay-lek "A job which should have been done long ago." It added pointing its eye-stick at its companion.  
"I delegated the task but contact was ..."  
"Never mind !" Snapped the third Gay-lek "There are only three of us left now and our duty is to guard the atomic device until it is ready to detonate. Prepare the saucer for our evacuation in 7000 Rels."  
"I o-gay !"

The Doctor, Sarah-Jane and Grunt worked their way round to the back of the asteroid camp to the very spot where Grunt and his commander had been held prisoner.  
"That's the green building there." Said the Doctor "The professors should be inside."  
The courageous trio made their way down to the structures and sure enough in the green hut they found Professor Knightly and Professor Herring sitting together, holding hands and demonstrating an uncomfortably high level of familiarity for two men. The Doctor grimaced in disgust, Sarah-Jane looked away and Grunt vomited.  
"Right you two poofs, on your feet." Said Grunt having finished with the contents of his stomach.  
"They're not really poofs, Grunt, remember?" Said the Doctor.  
"Their brains aren't working right, that's all." Said Sarah-Jane still looking away from the Professors.  
"Who are you straights ?" Said Knightly.  
"Stroll on ! A Shiela ! Who brought her ?" Added Herring.  
"Could I help you up, Professor." Said the Doctor gently and took hold of Knightly's arm with one hand. The other hand moved quickly and snatched the device that had been inserted in to his neck by the Gay-leks.  
"What's going on here ?" Snapped Knightly "Who are you lot ? Where are we ?"  
"We'll explain later." Said Sarah-Jane who now found she could bear looking at Knightly.  
"Hey, watch it joker !" Said a gruff Australian voice "Who are you drongos ?" Professor Herring was back to normal as well.  
"We're Space Marines from Earth," said Grunt"We're here to rescue you from the Gay-leks."  
"The Gay-leks ?" Said Professor Knightly "Oh my goodness ! I think I've done something awfully silly."  
"You're not wrong there mate," agreed Herring "Something turned us in to a pair of shirt-lifters !"  
"We'll explain all that later as well," said Sarah-Jane "Don't worry about it. Listen, have you helped to bury an atomic bomb around here ?"  
"Yes." Said Knightly shamefaced "It's in the big black hut in the middle."  
"Sarah-Jane," said the Doctor "Stay with these two while we go and check over this bomb thing."

Back at the rocky pass, Harsh adjusted the blood soaked bandages on her wounded leg for the umpteenth time. Professor Oh sat nearby lost in thought.  
Harsh's walkie talkie crackled and Manley's voice came through loud and clear - "I've alerted Earth to the threat - the message has been received and understood. How are things over there ?"  
"Quiet so far." Said Harsh and put the walkie-talkie down. She smiled at Professor Oh - "My leg's hurting like hell." She said smiling through the pain.  
"Are my family aware of what happened to me ?" Asked the Professor.  
"I don't know" said Harsh "I don't know what they've been told."  
"Homosexuality is a source of great shame in my culture."  
"It's a source of great shame in every culture," said Harsh "It's the lowest depth to which men can stoop ... in my opinion anyway. It's disgusting."  
"Yes, you are quite right." Said Professor Oh. His next movement was a blur as he grabbed Harsh's knife from beside her and stood up quickly.  
"What are you doing ?" She asked "Give me that knife back."  
"I cannot return to Earth with this shame for me or my family." He held the knife to his stomach.  
"No don't !" Squealed Harsh but it was too late, professor Ho's lifeless body fell to the ground. Harsh covered her face with her hands for a moment then looked at Ho's body - "We would have told them, we would have explained..." She said "We would have ... bloody Gay-leks, bloody poofs !" She slumped back exhausted by shock and the pain in her leg - she willed herself to stay conscious.

Back at the camp, the Doctor and Grunt had broken in to the hut containing the atomic bomb but there was nothing they could do.  
"It's buried in the ground," said the Doctor "Covered with concrete. The timer mechanism is in there as well. We'd never get to it in a million years."  
"Then we can't save the Earth ?" Asked Grunt.  
"It doesn't look like it."  
"We'd better get back to the ship then," said Grunt.  
"I suppose so." Said the Doctor.

On the other side of the camp, Sarah-Jane and the two Professors were waiting for the Doctor and Grunt to return. The Gay-lek on guard duty at the front of the camp, however, had now moved round to the back and was perilously close to them.  
As the Gay-lek approached, his three enemies pressed themselves against the wall of the hut desperately trying to stay out of its eyeline but to no avail.  
"Come out !" It grated "Come out or I will extermi-straight !"  
Knightly and Herring stepped out with their hands up - "Don't shoot." Said Knightly.  
Sarah-Jane looked round one last time in hope of seeing the Doctor approach but no-one was in sight. She stepped out too.  
"You have removed your control probes." Grated the Gay-lek "You are now straight."  
Knightly and Herring said nothing.  
"Hey Gay-lek." Said Sarah-Jane "What do you think of this ?"  
Her hand slipped round to the small of her back and there was a soft 'zzz' sound. Sarah-Jane's skirt fell to her ankles revealing her shapely legs clad in shiny black seamed stockings held up by suspenders under a pair of frilly black knickers. The Gay-leks eye stick pointed directly at her. Next, she pulled open her blouse to reveal her ample breasts held in place - though only just - by a skimpy lace bra.  
The Gay-lek's eye stick lowered to her feet then scanned slowly upwards - "Aargh !" It grated "I have made the wrong lifestyle choice - self destruct - self destruct !" The Gay-lek's three appendages slumped limply and smoke curled up out of the top of its casing. Sarah-Jane quickly adjusted her clothing - "I hoped that would happen." She said to the amazed scientists.  
At that moment, the Doctor and Grunt came running up.  
"It's no good with the bomb, it's under concrete, we can't get to it." Said the Doctor.  
"Does that mean ..." Started Sarah-Jane.  
"It means that were evacuating now." Said Grunt "Come on."  
As they ran out of the camp they were spotted by one of the two remaining Gay-leks - "Halt !" It grated.  
Needless to say, nobody halted.  
"We will pursue." Ordered the second Gay-lek.  
"I o-gay."  
"Never mind all that 'I o-gay' nonsense, we are not poofs, we are Daleks !"  
The two malevolent mechanoids trundled off in pursuit of their human enemies ... and one not so human enemy of course.

The Doctor, Sarah-Jane, Grunt and the Professors soon reached Harsh at the pass.  
"What happened here ?" Asked the Doctor..  
"He couldn't face the shame of being a poof." Said Harsh "He took the traditional Japanese way out."  
"But he was brainwashed." Said Grunt "He wasn't responsible."  
"I told him that." Said Harsh "He wouldn't listen."  
"We're being pursued by the Gay-leks." Said Grunt "They're coming this way."  
"Take this lot to the ship," ordered Harsh "Give me that Blastoom, I'll hold them off."  
"We're not leaving you, Commander." Said Grunt.  
"Yes you are, my legs in a mess, I'm bleeding to death."  
"I'll carry you." Said Grunt.  
"We'll get you back to the ship." Said Sarah-Jane who felt real admiration for this feisty female soldier.  
"There's no point." Said Harsh "The ship can only carry six people, it can't take seven. There are six hyper acceleration survival pods - the human body can't withstand hyper acceleration unless it's in a pod. Only six people can travel in that ship and there are seven of us. There's no room for me, give me that Blastoom and get going. I'll only slow you up."  
The Doctor rolled his eyes - he would never understand the military mind. Admire it occasionally, but never understand it.  
"In that case, I'll stay behind." Said Grunt "You're the mission commander for goodness' sake."  
"I am the mission commander, quite right and I'm giving you an order, Lieutenant Grunt !" Snapped Harsh and she held out a piece of folded notepaper "Give that to Cornelia." She said "And give her this too." She slipped the silver chain from round her neck and held that out as well.  
"You give it to her yourself, Commander." Said Grunt fighting back tears "I won't leave you ... Ma'am."  
"Actually, considering what we've done," said Professor Knightly "I'd like to volunteer to stay behind. This whole thing is our fault. Show me how to use that gun."  
"No way pommie !" Said Professor Herring stepping forward "I'll have that gun, I'll hold this position and any dingo that says I can't will get a bunch of fives."  
"If I might just interrupt for a moment." Said the Doctor "Sarah-Jane and I have our own ship. You can all get away."  
"Well, why didn't you say so, you stupid rucker !" Demanded Herring.  
"Halt !" Grated an inhuman voice "Surrender or we will exterminate !"  
Grunt threw himself to the ground firing the Blastoom as he went. The shell missed the Gay-leks entirely but blasted the wall of rock beside them which collapsed down burying the evil creatures.  
"Take that you metallic mincers !" Whooped Harsh "What are you waiting for, Grunt, get us out of here !"  
Grunt lifted Harsh up in his strong arms and strode off towards the ship followed by Knightly and Herring. As they went, Harsh threw away the note she had written and it fluttered down near Sarah-Jane's feet.  
She looked down at it - "I wonder what she wrote for Cornelia." She said.  
"We'll never know !" Said the Doctor taking Sarah-Jane by the hand "It's none of our business. Let's get back to TARDIS."  
"Can't we stop that bomb ? Can't we save the Earth ?" She asked.  
"Earth will survive, Sarah-Jane," said the Doctor "The Daleks will defeat humanity for a while but they will be defeated themselves pretty soon."  
"Who by ?" Asked Sarah-Jane.  
"Some crotchety old man, two schoolteachers and my granddaughter." Said the Doctor "I'll explain later, come on !"  
A short time later, the TARDIS dematerialised in to the space time continuum and Earth faced it's sternest challenge ever. A piece of asteroid landed on Prime Minister Harcourt-Brown and he never did get to fight his election.


End file.
